Tag Archives: Alaska

A Message From God!

Dear People of Earth:

I did not create this ungodly creature.

That must be the work of my other Son, the Fallen Angel…Lucifer or whatever
name he’s going by now.

Anyhow, back to the business at hand. Billions (ya got that?) of years ago when I created this little place called Earth, my instruction manual (I believe you call it the Bible?) had  distinct instructions regarding the punishment you would receive for messing with my creation.

Quite frankly, all this drilling, deforestation, smog, and other assorted poisons are destroying what I’ve created. Not to mention all those wars and bigotry going on. Not nice! And I’m pissed. But I haven’t done anything yet…

Now, I know some of the Fallen Angel’s other creatures, folks like Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann, have been foaming at the mouth lately about me taking retribution in the form of environmental calamities because some nice black man raised the debt limit….

{Side note: Do you idiots have any idea how much it cost me to create the ground you’re walking on? Gazillions! I went over budget so many times I had to sacrifice my other son! Fuck! Spend that money, America! You can’t take it with you!}

Damn…sorry about the rant. Anyhow, no. I didn’t send the earthquakes, floods, tornadoes, and hurricanes down from my lofty perch up here in the clouds just because the Republicans prayed for it as some kind of divine retribution. I mean, seriously…why would I want to listen to those  simpletons?

Hold on. I need a stiff drink. Ok. I feel better now. What was I saying? Oh. Yeah. Retribution…

You want retribution, Palin? Bachmann? Perry? Here ya go!

ANCHORAGE, Alaska — A 6.8-magnitude earthquake in the Pacific Ocean prompted a brief tsunami warning early Friday morning for Alaska’s Aleutian Islands.The warning was canceled after only a small wave was recorded in the community of Atka, Alaska.

“In Atka, they had a little bump of a wave, but nothing of any kind of a destructive power. Just a wave,” said Jeremy Zidek, a spokesman for the Alaska Department of Homeland Security.

The earthquake struck at about 2:55 a.m. AKDT, and there were no initial reports of injuries or damage, according to the United States Geological Survey.The tsunami warning was issued for coastal areas of Alaska from Unimak Pass to Amchitka Pass, remote and not heavily populated areas.

There. Done! Now quit blabbering nonsense and help that nice black guy create some jobs for America!


God Almighty

(But you can call me God)

Was He Captured?

The American soldier “captured”* by the Taliban has been identified as Pfc. Bowe R. Bergdahl, of Hailey, Idaho. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion,5973_105839085749_105831760749_2004365_6932706_t 501st Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, based at Fort Richardson, Alaska.

The propoganda video released by the Taliban, below, is – for lack of a better word – troubling. Troubling in two ways: First, it conjurs images of Vietnam and the propoganda videos disseminated at that time; Secondly, and more importantly, are concerns that Pfc Bergdahl will undergo painful, humiliating, and disturbing interrogations by the Taliban.

Precisely why I, and many others, are concerned by the precedents set by our own country during the Bush Administration regarding torture. As I’ve documented before, Iran has waterboarded it’s own citizens.

How can we protest if this young man is tortured by the Taliban?

* In case you noticed, I placed the word “captured” between quotes. Why? Apparently, Bergdahl wasn’t actually captured. From the news report:

The circumstances of Bergdahl’s capture weren’t clear.

On July 2, two U.S. officials told the AP the soldier had “just walked off” his base with three Afghans after his shift. The officials spoke on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak on the record.

I can only hope there’s not more to this than what we’re being told.

What Would Levi Do (WWLD)?

With all the excitement surrounding the resignation of Sarah Palin encompassing all that is the media we’re forgetting the one person in the clan who is as equally newsworthy as Sarah.

You betcha! That would be Levi Johnston!

What’s Levi been up to, you ask? How about shopping a tell-all book about the Wasilla Hillbillies?

THE battle between Levi Johnston (above) and Sarah Palin isn’t over yet. ricky hollywood Johnston — best known for impregnating the former vice-presidential candidate’s daughter, Bristol — “is shopping a book,” his bodyguard/publicist, Tank, tells New York magazine. And it seems the book will focus on the Wasilla, Alaska, political family.

I guess Sarah had better go into hiding.

What else is the rock star doing?

Apparently, he’s hired a bodyguard/publicist and is shopping reality shows/scripts in Hollywood under the name of Ricky Hollywood?

Sarah Palin Resigns

The Leader of the Wasilla Hillbillies, Gov. Sarah Palin, has announced she will be resigning in the near future, most likely to begin a run towards either the Presidency in 2012 or to open a home for unwed mothers. Or perhaps the accusations of misdeeds while in office are catching up with her?

I’ve taken great pleasure in the penultimate level of hypocricy that has been Sarah Palin and her highly dysfunctional brood. Who can ever forget her parading her 17 year old unmarried pregnant daughter in front of all America to see positive proof that abstinence works…or parading her own special needs infant for all to see; or the baby daddy Levi’s banishment from the family circle after his mommy was busted for dope. Can we never forget Todd decked out in his ski-racing regalia demanding the State of Alaska secede from the Union? Or Sarah’s witch doctor dancing on stage with her minister who hates everyone that’s not white, fundamentalist Christian, or a member of his church?

Sarah Desecrating the American Flag

Sarah Desecrating the Flag

I can’t wait to watch David Letterman on his next live show. After the much-publicized bitch fest Sarah threw when Letterman told a simple joke I guess it’s easy to say who’s getting the last laugh now. We, as a nation, need to pray for the swift cancellation of 30 Rock in hopes that Tina Fey will return to Saturday Night Live.

This country will never grow tired of Sarah, nor her shenanigans. Like the flag incident pictured.  I guess God told her it was his will that she use the American flag as a prop.

God Bless America and God Bless Sarah Palin for providing us with laugh after laugh the past few months.  I’ve got a hunch we’re going to be getting a lot more to laugh about in the next few years.

If the Republican Party ala Sarah last that long.

UPDATE: Could it be?